For far too long, a woman’s sexual freedoms were defined and perpetuated by men (and small-minded people) who felt it was their duty to tell us what, when, where, and how we should operate within our bodies. Many have subscribed to this archaic mindset that measures our worth based on our sexual experiences. Anyone who did not conform to their medieval ways of thinking became heauxs (or more commonly spelled hos, hoes, or whores). But what exactly is a heaux?
According to definitions.com, heaux is defined as someone who sleeps with a lot of people. It does not destinguish between man or woman, but yet here we are, as whole and complete women, in Kamala Harris’ America, being labeled heauxs because we chose to take control of our sexual freedoms. These people want to be the boss of our bodies; however, in the words of our patron leader, Vivian from Pretty Woman, “we say who, we say when, we say how much.”
We have spent too much time lying to these men. Prime example—BAD SEX! We perpetuate the issue by screaming, “Yes, Zaddy, this is yours!” When it is not, was not, and will never be. Seemingly, when we accepted relationships, we yielded our power and called it “respect”.
Many of us have been led to believe that unless you have the relationship title, sex with a man is disrespectful to your mind, body, and soul. That adage couldn’t be further from the truth. Our bodies are not theirs, but you can choose to allow them to rent it from time to time. If we decide to share the lease with them, know we will forever hold the deed to the property. The very notion that they can claim ownership of a body they can never operate sounds a bit like colonizing.
It is a new day, a new decade and a new century. We no longer must wait for a man to help us meet our sexual desires. We do not have to tolerate lack luster or selfish sex. We are more knowledgeable of our bodies and of what turns us on and off. We have learned how to please ourselves. We took ownership of our existence, as we should have. Ironically, many of the men who enjoy our freedoms turn their noses up at the thought of how we became so free. By society’s standards, I have been heauxing for a while now. With two marriages and a “baby daddy” situation being the minimum of my sexual partners, I have met the heaux threshold! Especially, if you let the ghost of Kevin Samuels tell it.
But I have questions that need answers. Who is the heaux? How many sexual partners must one have before you are considered a heaux? Three in a year? Three in a lifetime? Does the number reset after a long relationship? What is the timeline on knowing each other? Does the label expire? Who made men the arbitrator of sexual freedoms? Was there a secret meeting where they voted on the actions that labeled you a heaux? Did they vote out the men? So many parameters, so much to consider. Reality TV star and rapper Sukihana states that she comes from a long line of heauxs. Depending on who you ask, you too could be a heaux! Especially if you let the ghost of Kevin Samuels tell it.
I’ve definitely been called a heaux a time or two in my life. Typically, by a man who was upset at his inability to have sex with me. Maybe you may have learned a new trick, charged for sex, had a one night-stand or first-date sex. Who cares? In any case, you had the right to say yes, no, now, or never. You chose. Please, hold your head high and let them know heauxs be winning.
In your opinion, what makes a woman a heaux? Or is there no such thing?
